A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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