You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
