I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We talked him into tasing himself.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
