i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
