We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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