at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
