You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
why do cheetos always look like penises
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
