dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
