My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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