dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
