...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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