I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
