One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
