in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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