didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
