i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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