I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
