i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
