He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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