I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
