im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I cut my penus on the lid.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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