It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
