What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
