so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
