yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
