he shaved USA in his pubs
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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