Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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