i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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