and i looked up. we had an audience...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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