what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
