I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
