I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
