he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
