i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
