I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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