"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
