carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
