He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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