I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
