If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
