The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
