i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
