Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
