Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
