he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
