Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
