And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
