i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
