I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
