I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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